Grand Theft GPU
The periphery of the city was bathed in a neon glow from the hydroponic towers. Across the way, Kit was hiding in an alleyway. She had balanced herself precariously on a fire escape with a heavy sack over the shoulder. She was a predator and was about to spring upon her prey.
It came into view: an autonomous vehicle steadily headed down the street. She grinned.
The sack was opened and its contents were launched onto the street below. A cascade of bright orange traffic cones rolled out in front of the car.
The computer’s sensors detected a problem on the road ahead. It instinctively switched gears and prepared to go in reverse. Kit was familiar with its algorithms and launched a second set of ones.
Now the car was surrounded. It couldn’t move anywhere. Its sensors would be overwhelmed by obstacles it was too scared to run over.
Kit leapt from the fire escape and landed like a cat. She had to work quickly now.
“Obstacles detected!” she could hear the robotic voice announce. “Routing failure. Calling dispatch…”
It’d take five minutes for help in the best case scenario. She had to be gone by then.
She whipped out a crowbar from her belt and jammed it into the seam of the driver-side door. With a loud grunt, she pride it open.
“Hey, what are you doing?!” a passenger shouted with panic.
“Relax,” Kit said, her voice muffled by the mask she wore. “I just need to borrow something.”
“Borrowing? You’re stealing! I’ll have you arrested!”
Kit chuckled darkly.
“Only if you can catch me, and you won’t be going anywhere for a while.”
She reached under the steering block and unscrewed the maintenance panel. Inside were dozens of wires connected in every direction. She blindly cut through them with scissors, not caring what they were connected to.
Then she grabbed her prize: a GPU, a nugget of rare earth minerals and computational wizardry.
She tucked it into her bag and jumped out. She looked at the scowling passenger for one more second before she shutting the door and running away. She hadn’t expected anyone to be in there, but there was no way she could be identified.
She peeked her head around the corner. By this point the businessman had stepped outside and was stomping down on the cones. A small crowd had gathered to watch. She smirked. It was a fitting punishment for someone who relied so much on technology.
She slipped through the city’s narrow alleys, a map she knew very well. Her destination was a dimly lit speakeasy in the neighborhood over.
She felt uncomfortable standing there by the hostess table. The air was thick with the scent of expensive booze. Everyone there was twice her age and dressed elegantly. She stuck out.
“Oh, it’s you,” frowned the hostess when she returned. “Yeah, he’s here in the basement.”
“Got it,” Kit said quickly and did her best to vanish out of the hostess’s judging eyes
“Have a present for me?” asked a raspy voice as she entered the speakeasy’s second basement.
“Yeah, here you go,” she pulled the gleaming GPU out and placed it on the table.
The broker’s eyes widened and she could see the greed in them. After a quick exchange of credits, she was able to purchase a steaming cup of coffee. To go.
As she stepped out into the chilly night of the metropolis, she felt a warmth spread through her body. It wasn’t much, but it kept her going for another day. Another heist, another score. It wasn’t perfect, but a life she knew well.
Tomorrow she’d have to find another self-driving car, her own little piracy against the big corporations that thrived during the day. Until then, she could enjoy the brief respite of the spontaneous chaos of the urban lifestyle.
I saw a tweet about this idea very broadly. As catalytic converters are common sources for petty theft today, one could imagine a future of autonomous vehicles could easily become new targets for the future of thievery. Given how easy it is to stop one with an orange traffic cone, I wonder if this might actually become a problem in the coming decades.