The Exotic Dinner Date
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“Hey Brian, sorry for the wait. There weren’t any open docks for the scooter,” Emily apologized.
“No problem,” Brian noted, folding his phone and placing it back in his pocket.
“I hope you didn’t wait for very long.”
“No, the phone told me exactly when to leave work,” he answered. “Anyway, I apologize I never asked for your pronouns.”
“They/them.”
“He/him.”
“Ah, thanks sir,” Emily said to the waiter as they were handed a menu.
“It’s a new pop-up. They just opened up last weekend.”
“Everything is meat. I thought you were vegan.”
“I’m vegan morally,” Brian explained. “I don’t support the slaughter of animals, but this restaurant grows meat from animal cells. They’re harvested non-invasively and then cultivated.”
“That’s very interesting. I suppose that’s why the prices are higher than normal.”
“It’ll get cheaper once it scales,” Brian promised.
“No doubt,” Emily responded, burying their head deeper into the menu.
“What are you going to get?”
“I don’t really know. There’s a lot of options here.”
“Since they’re not being slaughtered, you can get a much wider selection of animals than cows or chickens. You could get giraffe, or theoretically mammoths. I mean, technically you could even do people.”
Emily flipped the menu down and gave Brian a concerned look.
“I’m kidding about the people,” Brian remarked. “But it would be okay. Not quite cannibalism.”
“I think I’ll try the steak. I’m familiar with real beef, so it’d be interesting to make a comparison.”
“I’m planning to order the bald eagle. It’s okay even though they’re endangered. I mean, what a thought. The bald eagle, the symbol of the country, and we can just eat it. It really makes you think.”
“Yes, well I think…”
“Bald eagle wings, or thighs, or breasts. It’s probably just like chicken, but you could probably go even further. Why limit to one animal? Blend bald eagle with cow, or maybe even buffalo.”
“Can you…”
“Once this tech gets cheap enough, you can imagine growing your own meat in your home. Everyone gets their own homemade steaks, with their own steak rubs imbued in the meat.”
“Look I…”
“Maybe you put a steak pod in a machine, add hot water, and get fresh food. That way you could distribute meat much easier, without needing to send trucks all over.”
“I think I’m going to head out,” Emily stated as she stood up.
“What? Why?”
“I appreciate what you did for me a few nights ago, but we don’t need to be friends. Neighbors is enough.”
“Wait, wait. Did I do something wrong?”
“You’re clearly very excited about this place. I can’t seem to get a word in edgewise.”
“Oh. Oh, I apologize for that. Seriously. Please, sit down. I don’t want to ruin dinner.”
“For someone who doesn’t eat meat, you seem rather obsessed about it.”
“To be honest, I don’t really want the bald eagle. I just wanted to impress you. I picked this place because it was trendy and new. I figured you’d be impressed.”
“I am impressed, but I’d like the space to be able to enjoy it.”
“Sorry again. If you sit down, I’ll be sure to be more attentive.”
“Alright then. How about we agree to split the bald eagle then?” Emily offered
“Deal,” Brian nodded.